


The White Place

by No_Sheet_Superlock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst, Chick-Flick Moments, Destiel - Freeform, Dominant Castiel, Dreams vs. Reality, First Kiss, Hurt Dean Winchester, Insanity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nightmares, Self Confidence Issues, Tissue Warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Sheet_Superlock/pseuds/No_Sheet_Superlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester resides in mental hospital because of his horrific nightmares he has had for years. He failed to save his brother from the fire as a child and made up an alternative universe where he can be a good brother. <br/>Castiel Novak is new to the mental home when he meets Dean the two pair form a bond. </p>
<p>A story of how Castiel not only affects the monster filled dreams but the broken man of invented them. But we all know the insane can't be allowed happiness with eachother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,  
> This fic is pretty important to me so do please enjoy. Apologies for any mistakes :)  
> By the way sorry that some of the things in the dreams don't actually match up with the program's plot line.
> 
> Also TRIGGER WARNING ~ self harm/suicidal thoughts

Chapter 1  
Dean Winchester hummed 'Carry On My Wayward Son' loudly tapping his spoon on his plastic bowl. Dean liked Kansas.   
The food there was crap but Dean had eaten it all his life so he didn't mind. All the food was soft and mushy. Food was a necessity more than a pleasure. He looked up from his food straight into the eyes of a stranger. They were a startling blue and all emotion could easily be read in them. 

 

Well, to be honest stranger wasn't the right word. 'Fellow inmate' would have suited the situation better.  
Dean continued to hum the song just now looking intently on the new comer. This mans head was tilted like a little puppy dog. His eyes hooded.   
There was no conversation for some time until-  
'Name?' Dean asked suddenly curious.   
'Castiel'   
'Oh.' Dean's mouth formed the shape of the word more than the sound of it.   
Another long pause stretched out. 

 

Dean didn't like talking to other people. He liked lying in his dorm and dreaming. Fantastic fantasies Dean Winchester had. Full of running and fighting and family.   
Not much family. But enough. More than Dean had in real life at least.   
He had based his brother Sam on his little brother he once had had.   
Before Dean came to the white place. 

 

He looked after Sam in his dreams, he was a good brother. Sammy was his main priority there. He did everything to protect his little brother. No matter how many petty fall outs and bitchfaces he cared for Sam Winchester.   
Like in real life Dean didn't have parents. They died very early on in his dreams. Much like in real life.   
Dean had been having the dreams for so many years now. Some of the old stories were blurring but he still remembered the basic skeletons of every hunt.   
He loved sleeping because he always loved being a proper Winchester.   
Saving people and hunting things, just like a kind of family business. He was strong and people liked him. No one questioned him or doubted him there. Not while he was holding a weapon anyway.   
Dean smirked at this thought. 

 

Castiel was still watching him. Dean didn't find it at all disturbing or uncomfortable though. He liked that someone in the white place didn't keep themselves away from him.   
'How long you been here then Cas.' Dean interjected.   
'Some time.'   
Dean hadn't noticed the depth Castiel's gaze had until then.   
'I've been here since I was a kid.' Dean paused to lick his lips, 'Why you here then, gank someone?'

Dean chuckled inside. He felt like he was really being his true fantasy self, interrogating a mysterious stranger.   
Or as we said before 'fellow inmate'. 

'I had a wife and child. But The Lord spoke to me and I left them. I cannot remember much but they all say I had tried to jump.'

 

Dean knew jump meant suicide. He knew Castiel was another looney like himself. Put in the white place so not to unnerve others.   
He had been a very bad brother. So he had been put there. Castiel had taken religion too seriously.   
Dean had taken the losses when he was a child too seriously. Began the dreams. 

'Sorry Cas.'  
Dean had done enough socialising now. He wanted to go back to his dorm and be the courageous Dean Winchester who killed monsters with his brother Sam.   
Things were just getting really exciting. He had sold his soul so that his brother would be brought back to life and now his year was nearly up. Dean couldn't wait to see how he would get out of this one. There was no time to talk to Castiel. 

Abruptly he stood up and held out a hand to his new friend. Dean hadn't ever had a friend before. He hoped Castiel was his friend anyway. 

Castiel just looked at the hand Dean offered him and tilted his head even further. It would have been quite comical if Dean knew how to laugh properly. Even his fantasy self didn't do much of that.   
Laughter, unlike food, was not a necessity.   
He put his hand back down by his side and strolled off, not at all hurt by the rejected handshake. A few of the inmates watched him and a nurse smiled at him. Clearly glad he had been interacting with others. 'What is your name? I just realised I should have asked.' Cas almost shouted at him. 

 

'Dean Winchester. I'm a hunter'

 

Chapter 2   
The nurse rolled her eyes and placed a hand on Dean's back whispering that he shouldn't tell people that and leading him to his room. Dean didn't care. 

 

[ Sammy was gasping. Dean was lying on the table, a hell hound tearing at him. His time was up. He couldn't be saved. He was going to Hell. Nothing could stop it. He writhed in agony feeling his chest being ripped at by claws. He wished Sammy didn't have to watch his last few moments. He didn't scream or cry.   
He just died. ]

 

Dean awoke. He was unpleasantly covered in a layer of sweat and unaware of how loud he was screaming.  
Unlike 'hunter Dean' he had nothing to stop him from crying out.   
Many people ran in suddenly to calm him. He shrieked of Hell. His hands on his shoulder where a hook should have been digging into his flesh.   
He could have sworn it was tugging at his muscular upper arm.   
He had left his brother there alone. Just as he had left Sammy to burn in the house when he was a child.   
His mother trapped in the bedroom. His dad trying to hand him Sam. But Dean was a coward. A cowardly little boy who ran. Ran away from his dying parents and sibling.   
Little Dean made up a braver him and a brother he did care for. But the people outside the White Place didn't like how he told his peers that he and his dead brother killed monsters. They didn't like the tales. After the fire and the deaths of all his family Dean told all his friends how he and Sam had to protect themselves from monsters while their dad killed them. The teachers tried to show sympathy but as the tales grew bloodier they took action.   
They put him in the White Place. And that's where he remained all these years. 

A few hours later Dean sat in the cafeteria with his plastic bowl, now calm. He decided he wouldn't ever let himself sleep again. Because if he did he would see Hell. How could he possibly have let himself get killed like that. Sleep was no longer an option. He couldn't let the story continue. He wouldn't tell the nurses though because if they knew more about the fantasy place he would really never get out of the White Place. He wanted to leave the place more than anything.   
Not that Dean would have ever been suitable for the outside world. 

'Hello Dean.' Castiel had appeared in front of him causing Dean to jump up in shock. Quickly he snapped out of his despair. He was pleased to see Cas though. He wanted to tell him everything; although he wasn't sure why. 

Dean and Castiel didn't have many social skills and were both pretty messed up but they got along very well. Dean could confide his dreams in Cas. Castiel was pretty confused to start with but when Dean had explained why he had made the world he understood.   
Family issues.   
Dean could tell that his new friend was intelligent just kind of awkward. It had taken Dean about two hours to explain the whole of his life story. The fictional one at least. He was quite impressed with himself for being social for that length of time. 

'You're very special Dean Winchester,' Castiel was very good at listening intently and now patted Dean's arm reassuringly, 'I wish I could distract myself from my issues like you have.'

This made Dean a little uncomfortable. He felt bad for Cas and wanted to keep talking so that he could find out more about him.   
However the nurse, who face was held in a frown, dragged Dean up and out of the room.   
'You better not have been telling that man about your stories Winchester. You must know he is very easily impressionable and you can't fill his head with those satanic nightmares of yours.'  
Dean disliked this nurse a lot. She had nice but slightly twisted features. Her name was Lilith and Dean had dreams about her too. 

Dean sulked in his room all night. He couldn't go to sleep so thought up a plan to talk to Castiel.

The White Place Chapter 3

Dean was certainly good looking but Castiel didn't register this. Dean had a classically well proportioned face with quite feminine eyes. Beautiful and striking were the green in his eyes. 

 

Cas had been a very boring man. Not much happened to him.   
Just before The Lord had spoken to him Castiel Novak had met a woman called Meg. She herself wasn't a Christian but encouraged Cas to get into it. But very much obsessed with it. She told him God would solve his slowly shattering marriage. She said to follow him. Castiel was also very gullible and just went along with the stranger. He was drawn to her for some reason. Maybe it was her devilish grin. He didn't see her much more than that. She was just a distraction from his problems.   
Cas hadn't realised she had tricked him into leaving his wife and child. As well as to throw himself into that river. 

It had been a miracle he had survived. He blamed Meg for everything but she just told the courts he was insane and tried to harass her. He had never laid a finger on her. She had made some advances on him but the affections weren't reciprocated. 

So Castiel was in the white place.   
But now at least he had Dean. The handsome man with troubles to rival his own. Cas was sure he wasn't mad before the white place but after a year confined here ,with all the gormless individuals, he knew he was. Insanity was the wrong word for it. Just peculiarity. 

 

Castiel was envious that Dean could take himself away from the Hell of boredom and be a brave strong person. Dean had an active fantasy where he got to be a hero. Something he couldn't be in the real world.   
Cas wanted to be apart of it all desperately. However Dean had told him that he wouldn't be going back to sleep so Cas could have anymore stories.   
Cas could tell that the people who looked after him disapproved of him being close to Dean. He was a bad influence. Cas screwed his eyes up and curled into the foetus position on his bed. Just willing himself to dream. 

 

Dean had a good plan. Next time he saw Castiel he would ask him where his dorm was. Seeing as he wasn't going to be sleeping anymore he thought he might as well do some socialising at night.   
Dean, of course, never realised this could have been taken for an advance and didn't think twice.   
Dean was going to be his lion like persona in real life. Breaking into Castiel's room for secret meetings.   
Dean smiled a wolfish grimace. He wanted to impress Cas very much. 

 

That day Dean looked rough from a sleepless night. He did not care though, it was better than dreaming of Hell. He was super hyped up to talk to Castiel.   
'Hello Dean.' Cas made Dean jump once again. It was quickly forgotten though as a sleep deprived Dean hugged Cas.   
Dean hadn't hugged someone other than his parents when he was a child. It had been instinctive and out of character but Dean actually enjoyed it. Even though Cas had just stood there still in his arms. 

Lilith the nurse glowered at him but didn't pull them apart. When Dean drew back Cas looked at him strangely.   
Apparently he couldn't remember what it felt like to be hugged.   
'Sorry..' Dean murmured self continuously. Great. He wasn't being much like the proud act first don't think later Dean he wanted to be. Although hunter Dean was pretty flawed too it was better than being a madman in the white place. Being judged. 

'It is okay Dean. I liked it.'  
Dean raised his head to look straight at Castiel. He was such a good guy thought Dean. 

'Where's your room Cas?'  
Castiel blushed clearly thinking Dean was hitting on him. Dean lowered his voice hastily suddenly getting it.   
'No man. I didn't mean it like that. I mean,' Dean sat down at the table and gestured for Cas to the same, 'I wanted to sneak in tonight so we can talk without the nurses bugging us, okay?'

Cas agreed and told Dean his room. Just before Dean left he added,  
'I want to be able to live in another world like you can Dean. I want some escape. Tell me more stories tonight.'  
'I certainly will buddy.' Dean turned on his heel and sauntered out. A saunter Dean Winchester the hunter would have been proud of.

 

Chapter 4

Dean gingerly knocked on Cas' door and waited. It was just gone midnight and Dean was falling over with tiredness. As Dean would normally sleep so much, so to be in his fantasy place, this sudden deprivation was making him tremble. 

He almost fell through the door when Castiel opened it with a click.   
Cas reassured Dean that his room didn't have cameras as some of the inmates did. 

Dean plonked down on Cas' bed. Lay down in fact. He felt so rebellious doing this. It was exhilarating. Dean told Cas more details into hunts he was curious about. He even got into describing what his brother looked like! Castiel seemed quite amused when Dean showed him what Sam's hair looked like.   
They talked for what seemed like hours but was in reality 45 odd minutes. It probably felt long because they both were a little socially awkward and both incredibly tired. 

Cas told Dean how he had been so desperately trying to have fantastic dreams like him that he had barely slept the previous night. Dean felt a laugh rise up inside his chest. But he didn't let it out. He wasn't going to hurt Castiel's feelings.  
'So Cas,' Dean prompted 'enough about my silly dreams tell me more about your faith in God and why..' Dean's voice tailed off. He wasn't exactly being tactful, but at least he had noticed and noted it for the future. 

'Hmm, you could say that it wasn't quite right. I made friends with this woman called Meg Masters. She tricked me into drinking something. It must have been drugged I suppose. Anyway I thought I was important. That God had a plan for me. To be His solider.'  
Castiel sighed.   
'Kinda like an angel eh Cas.' Dean tried to lighten the subject. 

'An angel indeed Dean.'

By this time Dean had snuggled under Cas' blankets and had his eyes closed. Castiel was sat on the end of his bed, warming Dean's feet. Dean opened his eyes in surprise at Castiel's last comment.   
'Angel of The Lord.' He thought.   
He patted the bed next to him and shuffled to the side making room for the slightly smaller man.   
Cas shifted himself next to Dean. They were fully dressed and quite uncomfortable but it didn't matter. They had been lonesome men who had found some happiness in each other. What a chick-flick moment. 

Dean himself had never been kissed. Never been loved by anyone. It was a pity as Dean was a very good looking guy. He didn't know what it felt to be in love but he knew he would like it. He had seen enough films for that. Only Disney films though. The kind of love in those films was all Dean understood.   
Hunter Dean could pick up any women he liked. That was something Dean in the white place could never do. 

Castiel knew that Dean couldn't understand that sharing a bed with your male friend was an odd thing to do. He didn't feel like teaching Dean this though. He liked being close to someone. Castiel had been married to a woman but was in fact bisexual so sharing the bed didn't bother him too much. He was grateful in all honesty. 

Dean had begun to drift off at this point, forgetting where sleep would take him. He was quite overcome in the comfort another person being so close could provide. His eyelids flickered and closed. Cas let his hand lie lightly on Dean's chest.   
'Maybe it could happen?' Castiel uttered to himself. Then his chin drooping down towards his chest and he was asleep. Content.

Chapter 5  
[ There was fire, he was being sliced open. Dean Winchester was in Hell. His eyes burned in his skull. He was shouting Sammy's name. Praying for it all to end he clenched his jaw so not to scream. Never could he imagined it would be this bad. He would be craved up then suddenly be whole again. Ready for it all to start again. Alastair was there, at the end of the day, leering over him.   
'Sure you're not going to take up the offer Winchester?'  
Dean was undone. He couldn't get the breath to say no any more. Dean gave in with a little nod. That was all it took. The tortured one became the torturer. ]

A jab in ribs was Castiel's harsh awakening at 3am. Dean was writhing as though in agony. It took Cas a couple of seconds before remembering Dean was sleeping. Therefore in Hell.   
He shot up out of bed instantly fully conscious. He turned Dean to face him. He was still having his nightmare. Cas couldn't get him to awaken. He could feel Dean's heart pounding at an unthinkable speed. He suddenly had an idea.   
Cas spread his fingers out and motioned pulling Dean up. He was trying to pull him up out of the nightmare. A stupid idea to you and me but Castiel was a hardly in his right mind. What with bring in the White Place and all.  
His hand was firmly gripped to the arm of Dean.

[ Suddenly Dean could feel a searing pain on his upper arm. It was quite unlike the feel of knifes cutting into his stomach he had grown to know. Although it hurt it felt good. Then he was rising up and up. Away from the victim he was slashing at. Away from Hell. ]

Deans eyes shot open like a bullet. Instantly his body went completely rigid.   
'Dean!'   
Cas' voice sounded panicky an came out in a hoarse whisper. Dean couldn't remember where he was. Years of waking up facing a white wall in a white room and now he was face to face with a blue eyed man. He fell off the bed. 

Castiel laughed, he was more relieved than amused, and shook his head. Dean was lying under his bed and chuckling as well.   
The stuttering laugh emitting from his lips felt very foreign to Dean.   
The giggles were instantly silenced when three brisk knocks were rapped on the door.   
'Shit.' Castiel hissed.   
'Novak what are you doing in there?' A male nurses voice reverberated around the dorm from out side.   
'I had a bad dream.' Cas wasn't totally lying he figured. 'I'm fine now.'  
Foot steps of heavy boots got slowly quieter as he walked away.   
'Cas,' Dean's voice tickled his ears as it rose up from under the bed. 'I am going to a bruise on my arm you son of a-'  
Castiel shushed him. 

They gingerly arranged the bed and themselves before both sitting on the end to talk about what had just happened.   
'Cas, you know how you wanted to be in my dreams?'  
'Yes Dean.'  
'I think you just freed me from Hell.'  
'Oh.'  
'Yes.'  
'I kind of gripped you tight and raised you from perdition then?' Cas said proudly in his gruff voice.   
'I guess so.'  
'Hmm.'

That was about as far as they got before another nurse was heard walking past them.   
'They're all getting up. I better go Cas. See you later.'  
Cas lowered his eyes, clearly upset of the prospect of being alone for a few hours. Dean noticed the change in Castiel but didn't know what to say. In the end, after some long stares, he settled with:  
'You look goddamn awful by the way, you should get some sleep.'  
With that Dean slipped out and away. Leaving Castiel to consider the night and the man with the cheeky grin.


	2. Part Two

Chapter 6  
[ It had taken hunter Dean a while to convince Bobby and Sam he was truly back. They went through all the tests. Holy water, silver knife etc. Quickly he was back on the hunt again. Looking for whatever had saved him. ]

Dean and Cas we inseparable during the days that followed. Dean was so grateful that he could sleep again. Most of the nurses didn't mind the clear bond. In fact they encouraged it. A few though disliked how Dean would sit squashed right up with Castiel telling him stories.  
'You think they're gay for each other?' One might remark.  
'I think they're kind of cute. '  
They other may reply.  
'We can't allow them to 'be together' though.'  
'Why not?'  
'It's just wrong.'

Lots of these kinds of conversations were happening. Dean and Cas knew they shouldn't be displaying their closeness off too much but they couldn't help it.  
One night when Dean had snuck into Castiel's room he asked,  
'Why do you think we are such good friends Cas?'  
'We have a profound bond.'  
Castiel could always make Dean smile. Great friends were all they were though. Clearly ONLY great friends.I mean they didn't cuddle together in bed or tell each other everything or anything.  
They might not have been able to see it themselves but they loved each other. Feelings became so muddled after a time in the white place. Nothing was straightforward so maybe it wasn't surprising the men couldn't see it. 

When Cas appeared in Dean's dreams once more he was a all powerful man. More than a man. 

An angel. 

He still had many of Castiel's mannerisms he just could smite anyone who got in his way. His gruff voice became even gravelled and commanding. 

Castiel Novak loved his other self and was endlessly asking Dean to describe his wings again and again.  
The dreams were getting faster with less detail in them now. Every hunt became less focused by the time Dean got to tell Cas about them. Only when angel Castiel entered did the dreams become lengthy and in a 'higher quality'. 

Cas would sometimes watch Dean while he slept. This could have been considered creepy but it hardly was when all the people in the white place stared at them all hours of the day. The were probably jealous.  
Castiel kind of felt bad they didn't have what he and Dean had.  
Also Dean told Cas how once he had awoken ( in the dream ) only to discover angel Cas looking at him fondly. 

Dean would slip between the facial expressions of crumpled anger (ganking some ghoul) and little soft smiles (Sammy or Cas the angel being there). Watching Dean sleep was almost as good as actually listening to Dean's stories. 

Dean couldn't bear to tell Cas something about his dreams though. Hunter Dean didn't love angel Cas. 

I mean he thought he was kind of quirky and cute. But he couldn't see how goddamn perfect he was. Hunter Dean was defiantly straight and no matter how hard Dean tried, in his dreams, he couldn't kiss Cas.  
This was all Dean wanted but he didn't have the courage. However hunter Dean preferred one night stands still. 

In real life trying not to think about kissing Castiel was becoming increasingly difficult. They were always so close. Mentally and physically. Of course he didn't really know how to kiss. But Castiel must know at least.  
He just wanted to touch his lips, even if it was when he was dreaming.

Chapter 7  
They awoke together once more. This time though their fingers had magically entwined together. As well as their legs. Cas lay there trying not to awaken Dean. These moments, when they were so close, were all Cas needed to stay happy. 

 

Castiel was an honest good man. He didn't want Dean to know that being in bed with someone sleeping so close so regularly was considered being in a relationship. Cas couldn't bring himself to deny Dean into his bed. He was slightly bigger than Cas. So they slotted together perfectly. 

Castiel tried desperately not to think of his friendship with Dean evolving into anything more. He always messed things up. He couldn't let Dean go like he had let his sanity slip away. Cas settled for the snuggling. He wanted more than to snuggle but had to remind himself that Dean was a virgin. He had never been kissed. He wouldn't have understood anything! It was all so pointless wanting Dean...

 

Ironic how angel Castiel and Dean from the white place were so similar. Both inexperienced individuals who didn't understand humanity. 

 

The days stretched out into weeks and the 'profound bond' between the two men was becoming unbreakable. Even in the fantasy world they were getting closer. 

 

'Those two,' The gossiping between the nurses grew into a topic of the day. 'they ought to be taken away from each other.'

'No! Leave them be, I think it's really good they are friends. We don't have to listen to that Winchesters freakish nightmares any longer.'

'But he tells Castiel them! He isn't mentally stable.'

'No one here is mentally stable, that's kind of the point.'

 

 

Dean happened to over hear one particular discussion where they all were agreeing that Cas and Dean were a couple. They even had a code word for it. Desteel or something. 

 

Dean didn't tell Cas this. Not wanting Castiel to think he was in love with him. Even though he was. This warm rushing gushing feeling that spread through him must mean something? How he couldn't help but smile whenever Cas was there. It must be love Dean reasoned. 

 

The dreams were certainly not helping anymore. Bad things had arisen once more. Sammy had a friend. Her name was Ruby. Something about her made both Hunter Dean and Dean from the white place shudder. 

 

She was a demon for one thing, but she and Sam seemed to be really close. When Dean talked to Cas about his latest dreams he also seemed to be worried for what was to come. 

 

'Is she pretty?' Cas wanted to know. 

'She isn't really my type I suppose.'

'Does other Dean think she's hot?' Cas pushed him further. 

'Nah. He doesn't really have a thing for black eyed demons.'

Cas wanted to find out what Dean's sexuality was desperately. 

Of course it didn't matter to him. Nothing would happen. Nothing could happen. It would be just wrong. 

 

 

[ Lilith was dead. The last seal was broken. All thanks to Sammy. Hunter Dean had been right about Ruby all along. He should have done something. Lucifer was rising. Hell was coming to Earth. ]

 

Dean babbled his latest vision to Cas the next morning. He was panting and exhausted. He was making too much noise. 

'Dean you need to calm down.' Castiel urgently whispered. Eyes flickering to the door. 

'No! I'm no going to bloody calm down Cas!' Dean was shouting now. 

 

Dean was scaring Cas. Who was now a quivering mass still in the bed. Stomping around, Dean wouldn't listen to his friend. 

Three or four nurses came charging in. The door had been left unlocked. They had discovered Dean in Cas' room. Dean was dragged out of Castiel's room screaming now. He was so angry. He was such a terrible brother. 

 

'Castiel love, you need to calm down.'

Cas was unaware he had been sobbing and shaking. 

'Dean. He hates me. I wasn't listening to him. Lucifer is rising.'

Broken sentences. 

 

'How long has he been coming to your dorm Castiel?'

The pretty nurse was being gentle and not pushing him. He must have looked a complete state. 

'Last night was the first.' Castiel felt the lie burn his lips but he would never let them know about Dean. What Dean was for him. 

And as cheesy as it sound, what he meant for him. 

 

The managers of the white place didn't take much action. Cas thought they would keep him and Dean apart or something. They didn't though. 

'If anything else happens we have a plan okay Castiel?'

Cas nodded. He was betraying his feelings a lot lately.

Chapter 8  
Much changed after the incident. Some of the nurses looked at them funny but other than that who was there to judge them!  
Dean didn't particularly want to be around Cas anymore. He felt as though he had ruined everything, that he wasn't wanted anymore.  
'Still', he thought,'at least I was happy for a little time. That should make up for the last 25odd years.'

So whenever Castiel would try and go over to Dean he wouldn't respond to Castiel's little smiles and nudges.  
This was why management had decided they needn't punish Dean, he was doing it well himself. He was punishing himself without even realising it. In doing so though Castiel was being hurt far worse. 

Cas was trying to keep up hope about the whole thing. Just thinking Dean needed some space. Maybe he was embarrassed! After a long lonely week he let his mind wonder to other thoughts.  
'Maybe I should try harder?'  
'What if he won't ever talk to me?'  
'Why can't he love me again?'  
And so on. Until...

I said before how for Dean, food was a necessity. However once every month or so they severed him pie. His mother had made him pie when he was little. Homemade served with sweet hand made custard. Dean wouldn't admit it but he had loved baking.  
In the White Place though it wasn't exactly the same. Defrosted pies and whipped cream may not have been the best quality however they still had the happy meaning to them. 

He ate greedily and quickly.  
'Eh hem!' Dean reluctantly looked up from his food expecting those gorgeous blue eyes to be above him. However the gaze that met him was stern and almost more piecing than Cas'.  
'Dean I need to have a little chat, okay?'  
The nurse ,who had bent down to be on the same eye level as him, straightened up and walking around to his side of the table.  
She was being rather patronising and rubbing Dean's arm to coax him up wasn't helping. Dropping his spoon with a clatter he reluctantly followed her. Dean pushed her hand of his arm rather forcefully. That arm had carried the bruise of Castiel's hand until recently.  
He really hadn't wanted it to heal so had be purposefully pressing his thumbs into the marks and hitting his arm to keep them there. Consequently whenever it was touched he would wince. But the pain was good. It was good pain because it reminded him of Cas.  
This is why Dean still needed to be kept in the White Place you see, he wasn't right for the world beyond those white white doors. 

After the incident however he gave up with the bruise. All that was left now was a faint out line of red. So when the patronising nurse had placed her hand there although it didn't hurt that was Castiel's place. Not hers. 

He wasn't particularly curious where she was leading him but when he saw Castiel's door at the end of the corridor he froze. 

She turned to him question in her eyes. She looked overly concerned to Dean so he just rubbed his hand awkwardly on his neck, head back.  
'Dean?' Her hand was stretched out trying to take his other hand which was held stiffly to his body.  
He rejected this.  
'I don't think Cas will want to see me.' At this she rolled the pretty brown orbs in her pretty tanned face. 

'Quite the opposite young man.' Dean now was very decided he didn't like this women. She must have been a couple of years younger than Dean himself.  
Dean actually looked a bit older than he was. What with all his worry lines and tired eyes. 

A nurse stepped out of Castiel's room holding sheets which clearly had blood on them. The patronising nurse inhaled sharply and attempted to cover Dean's vision. Swatting her away he started to stumble towards Cas' room. 

What if a demon? Or worse, had got Cas!  
Reality and dreams suddenly caught up in each other as Dean and hunter Dean became one.  
Where was his angel?

Castiel lay on his sheet-less bed, he looked quite peaceful in truth. Apart from his hand which was tightly clamped into a fist.  
'Cas buddy?' Dean asked nervously only now noticing the definite signs of blood sweeping through his white shirt.  
'Dean! OUT!' The nurse has caught him up and pushed him back from the door frame. Dean did as instructed and sunk down the wall as the door next to him slammed. Only now was he aware of the wetness his face had just acquired. He couldn't remember the last time he cried because of events in the real world.  
Chapter 9  
It became apparent over the next hour Dean was just meant to talk to Cas and get the little sharp object from his hand. 

He wasn't meant to burst in on a bloody sleeping Castiel and get the wrong idea. 

The thing Castiel held in his hand wasn't sharp enough to kill him but it did hurt him. He had managed to only just finish cutting lots of little symbols across his chest before the nurse had arrived. 

Now he lay in a light sleep. Now Dean had to talk to him. Alone. 

Dean turned the lock on the door although he needn't really as they could always just open the door. Nothing was solely private at the White Place.  
Cas was all bandaged up and just stirring. Dean felt as though he were in a hospital visiting an old friend. In a way this was true.  
'Hey buddy.'  
A shy smile.  
Dammit this was going to be awkward.  
'How ya feeling?' Dean had decided to tell Cas some more stories to calm him first. The nurses said he could have as long as he wanted with him.It had been a big shock to them really. They had just made light of the little bromance. Now they saw that it was important. If anyone was to do something crazy and reckless it would have been Dean. Hence all the self harm proofing in his dorm. So that Castiel had done it, was so startling.  
He must have spent a long time working at the bed to get a sharp piece of mental like that.  
They wouldn't tell the men yet but when Cas got better they would get them to share a room. In order to prevent it from happening ever again. Two singular beds of course.

'Hello Dean, I am doing fine now.' Those words were so familiar and Dean hadn't realised how much he missed them.  
Suddenly Dean's tactful plan went down the drain as he blurted out-  
'Why would you do that Cas? I need you.'  
'You didn't seem to.' Castiel muttered woefully.  
Those few painful words made Dean feel hot with guilt.  
'Well I do, I'm sorry. I am really Cas.'  
'It is okay Dean.'

 

'So I get why,' Dean said, he and Cas had been talking long enough for it not to be awkward. 'but why the weird symbols of your chest like that?'  
'Its what I though Enochian sigils would look like. You told me on that last night we spoke properly that Angel me had put those marks on your ribs. So I wanted the same. Just so I could be the same as you.' 

Oh.  
The dreams. Lately Castiel hadn't been there too much. In his last dreams he was beginning to panic. Sammy couldn't be the true vessel of Lucifer and there was no way on Earth was he letting some archangel possess him!

'Okay Cas. I get it. I do.' Dean said almost inaudibly. The little slits of blue Cas was showing were still entrancing. However his eyes snapped fully open when Dean's rough clumsy hand held his. 

Castiel held his breath. All he needed in the world to get better was to keep gripping on to that hand. Finally he let himself look properly upon the face of the one he wanted. 

He didn't see the age lines or bloodshot eyes. He saw the freckles that scattered across his nose and cheeks. Dean had noticeably plump lips which Castiel's gaze now rested on as his friend began babbling about his latest dreams.  
Cas didn't really need to concentrate on what he was saying because it was all the same. The devil and some big angel. Sammy and Dean. Castiel was a little upset his angel self hadn't appeared too much but he let it go. It wasn't like Dean could control his sleeping mind. 

Eventually Dean paused for breath and to notice Cas had drifted off, still with his hand in Dean's. He sat there awhile just mulling over everything. He actually had responsibility over another person's well being. This was his chance to make up for letting Sam die. 

So deep in thought was he that he didn't realised the tiny sharp object shift into his own hand from Castiel's.  
He was jerked out of his trance when a nurse tapped on the door. Standing up and cricking his neck he hoped no one saw him staring at Cas. 

The nurse didn't ask about Cas just wanting him to give her the sharp object he had taken from Castiel.  
Dean uncurled his fingers and looked down at the object.  
It had horns. It was a miniature animal of sorts. Just it's head though. It was his amulet, or Castiel's attempt at it.  
A strange part of him felt endeared but then he remembered how his friend had cut into himself with this. 

He wasn't revolted or anything, just felt a pang of guilt. He reluctantly handed it over to the quizzical nurse. She said nothing however and lead him to his dorm. For the second time that day Dean felt his throat close up and his eyes water. Chapter 10  
We next join Dean and Castiel over a month later.  
Everything had healed. Emotionally as well as Castiel's scars. They never spoke about any of it again. They shared a room now. The nurses didn't tell the owners of the White Place just incase.  
There was a sense of security, sharing a dorm. To start with they where like little kids at sleepovers. Soon they grew accustomed to it however and Dean would slip back in Cas' bed to sleep. 

Even though they often started off facing different ways Cas would always awake with breath on his chest and hair under his chin.  
The winter nights were gone now and sharing a bed could get too hot. Often the white robe tops would end up at their feet. 

The silly men still hadn't kissed. Apart from the occasional uncomfortable peck to the forehead.  
One night however Dean awoke sweaty and panicky. 

He clung to Castiel immediately, arms engulfing him. When Cas came out if his sleep he was at first very happy. He made a little satisfied moan and pressed into the embrace. Soon it became apparent all was not well.  
'Dean?' Castiel asked blearily.  
'You're alive..' Dean spluttered, eyes wide in awe.  
'What!? Yes Dean I am! Was it a dream?' More questions poured from Cas as he sat up.  
'But Sammy killed you? I mean.. Lucifer killed you!'  
'It's okay Dean your awake now.'  
'Nmmurn not.' Dean scrabbled to reattach himself around Castiel's neck. Still unaware he wasn't dreaming any longer.  
He had awoken as soon as Sam and Adam had flung themselves into the pit.

'This IS real life Dean.' Cas firmly pushed Dean off him, wincing as Dean's fingernails dragged along his still raw chest.  
'No.' Dean whispered indignantly. Looking deep at Cas. He was sprawled on his stomach, head up. Feeling rejected.  
'Dean Winchester you child,' Castiel knew how he was going to solve this. 'You are awake in the real world. With me. The REAL me. If you don't believe me I will have to prove it!'

He sounded like a school teacher scolding a young child but it worked.  
'Maybe it is..' Dean pushed. He was curious how Cas would prove it. 'Show why anyway.'  
Castiel raised his eyebrows.  
'Just in case, yanno.' Dean added. 

'Would angel Cas do this?' He brought dean up to sit slouched beside him. Taking Dean's face in both his hands he leant towards him. There faces where centimetres apart. This went beyond everything. Cas' eyes seemed to ask Dean's permission.  
He blinked in whole hearted agreement.  
Dean remained with open eyes until he saw Castiel's shut ones. Hurriedly he clamped them tight shut. 

The first time their lips met:  
-Dean was sweaty and half asleep.  
-Castiel still had his white robe top across one arm and his hair was a mess.  
-They both had morning breath.  
-They were both in a mental hospital. 

Hardly the Disney style first kiss Dean knew. Still though, far far better. 

Lips were chapped and stubble unshaven. The best kind of kiss.  
They were locked together and Dean gave a little grunt. This made Cas smile into the kiss. Dean decided he liked it when Cas did that. 

Castiel drew away with Dean still trying to keep the contact. He looked completely elated.  
'Angel Cas wouldn't have done that right?' Cas whispered.  
'No he wouldn't.' Dean suddenly remembered why he had awoken and thoughts of the pit swelled. 'Mainly because he's dead.'

Oh.


End file.
